You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
