I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
