I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I deserve this hangover.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
