you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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