you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
