she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
