Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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