Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
