hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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