i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
