I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
