I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
