The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
