I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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