You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
