my sisters under your porch take her home
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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