I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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