I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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