i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
