Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
