I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sext me about skeletons
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
