he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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