I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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