Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.