I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?