I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero