Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
