just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
