yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
