I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
