and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
