i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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