White coat. Heels.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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