I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My vagina is very pro this idea
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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