Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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