'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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