I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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