He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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