I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my liver is dry heaving
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