You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
