Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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