apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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