Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
