And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
