I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
