1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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