Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
