I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so let's talk penis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
