it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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