So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
