ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
