dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
