You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize