I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
