I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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