i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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