What a fucking waste of an outfit
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
