Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
