i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
