You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
