nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
