listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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