I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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