Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
