I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
