if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
