So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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