I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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