you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
