oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
