I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize