Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
