I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
