The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
