We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
