I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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