Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize