There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
