you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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