Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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