Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
