On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
